Monday, July 06, 2015

I'm interested, worried, happy, scared, excited ...

Something has happened to Nick. Did the spanking fairy come and whisper in his ear while I was gone? Or is it that he’s enjoying our empty next again now that we know it’s only for a short time? I don’t know and I don’t really care, I’m just enjoying myself.

I think there has been a little spanking at least every other day since I came home. Friday – still a traditional spanking day here though we don’t always observe it, he came into the living room with a paddle and invited me to join him. There was a long-standing issue to discuss and he discussed it fully – including eventually, the damn cane (thanks Ronnie, she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm). But it’s something I want to correct too so I can’t complain too much.

Saturday morning we went on a fourth of July picnic in the mountains with his family and Mollie joined us for that. But later that afternoon, back home our fireworks were in the bedroom. A while back Nick had ask me to come up with something for first weekend, something that led me a little out of my comfort zone. I know it’s supposed to be good to get out of your comfort zone, but I don’t like to – it’s called a comfort zone for a reason! I know I’ve asked him to step outside his comfort zone though and he’s done so well I was willing to try and I did. Nick told me I did a great job and he was well pleased with my efforts.

Sunday morning as I put my computer down to get ready to go Nick stopped me and said two things had been left in the living room that had gotten his attention, although he wasn’t sure other would see how they went together. He pointed to the laundry (clean) that had been sitting there for about a day and a half (after he’d washed, dried it and put his clothes away) the other item was a hairbrush Mollie had left on the couch. In Nick’s mind they went together perfectly. And when we left for church I had a sore butt.

I've really toyed with the idea of giving up on TTWD. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with it and I know I've driven Nick nuts. But just when I get ready to throw in the towel,  Nick has a sudden resurgent interest in it.  I had been working on and essay of sorts to send him. Maybe I’ll regret it, who knows. Be careful what you wish for is an oft-heard cry out here. I’m reminded of a favorite quote from ‘Friends’ – Can opened, worms everywhere…  




But like all true spankos we can’t stop our basic desire, whether it’s fulfilled or not, it’s always going to be there and we keep trying.  Here’s the essay I sent Nick:

A woman comes out to her husband that she want to be submissive – she wants a strong loving man to take control – certainly in the bedroom and yes, in other places in her life. She wants rules, consequences, but mostly, his attention – which could be spanking or other forms of discipline that they decide on.

But being in charge all the time – being the boss, keeping his wife in line seems too much like being a parent to the wife and he doesn’t really want that roll. Fun spankings and such are fine to keep the spark in their sex life, but bossing her around, checking behind her… not his thing.

Two people that love one another but they want different thing – what to do, what to do.

Compromise!

She realized that being a full time submissive isn’t really her thing after all.  She doesn’t want to ask permission to go places or buy things. She’s going to say anything she damn well pleases and do what she likes. But having total freedom also seems like no one cares Sooo… she needs the one she loves to pick one or two things he honestly cares about and be willing to demand submission on these – to stick to his guns about a few rules, to be willing to used discipline in various forms when this rules are broken, even if they are broken over and over or seem to be forgotten or disregarded by his love. (This will probably happen, because she doesn’t really think he cares enough to stick with it and she is basically lazy. But she is desperately wondering how much he cares.)

Just some things to help the man decide what things matter to him.

Things that are good

- She is good natured, no hateful rants, petty arguments, cussing and fussing at the man
- She doesn’t over spend
- She has a good work ethic when it comes to her profession
- She is willing to experiment in bed
- She’s a damn good writer

Things that are not so good

-       She is at best a lukewarm housekeeper
-       She is lazy
-       She leaves a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed
-       She leaves clean laundry sitting around for days
-       She stays up too late

I’m sure the man could add to this list indefinitely, but I’ll stop there.

Things that are dangerous to her or to the relationship

-       She won’t get serious about her health. Won’t exercise. Continues to eat unhealthily. Not losing any weight, putting herself in danger of serious health complication.

-       When she’s upset with the man she won’t tell him, instead she practices ‘distancing’. She just gets angry and goes silent, broods until she gets over it leaving the man to wonder what the hell is going on.

So maybe somewhere in this perfect woman the man could fine one or two thing he feels he could take seriously enough to create firm rules or guidelines. This could be done for a specific time a few weeks to a few months so that neither are locked into something they don’t want, don’t enjoy or isn’t working.

It could be something serious or one of the lesser things that just bugs him. Work out a plan of action and the consequences, or he can leave them open at his discretion.  This plan needs to be something easy for the man, he does enough around the house, put the burden of keeping up on the woman and if possible make it verifiable. Ex: You should have three or more dots on the Fitbit by the time he gets home, and then ask to see the dots around that time. Not enough dots, consequence. Leave a note telling her one or two things to have done by the time the man is home, not done, consequence.

Spanking always a good consequence since it can fit the ‘crime’ light or heavy, long or short … but if there is another person living with you not always possible.  So there may need to be other consequences that you can agree on.

Silent alternate suggestions for when people are around:

-       Butt plugs are extremely useful. Whether you place the plug yourself or order the woman to do it, you have her attention and massive feelings of submission. The man can then spank her or if privacy is an issue, she could be ordered to sit, clean, ride the stationary bike or whatever he likes - while she may feel slight discomfort there is no real pain.
-       Have her write an essay. Of course if the woman enjoys writing you could make this very specific, such as “Explain this or that in 250 words or less.”
-       A dab of hot cream.
-       (When you have privacy but you’d like an alt suggestion to spanking) have the woman, nude or bottomless as she goes about some things you’re asked her to attend to around the house so that you are free to touch, pop or whatever without having to deal with clothing.
-       Earlier than normal bedtime
-      Not allowed to play with vibrator when she’s alone (yes this happens sometimes).

Rules do help her – she is having a hard time doing some simple things that she should. You could try some (one or two) simple rules for a few days or a few weeks to see if they’ll work.

Feel free to ask for clarification.

She says she loves you very much.

His response was very receptive and we’ll see what happens. We’re going to the mountains tomorrow for a quick over night trip to a lovely spot, I’ll try to get some picture to share. Meanwhile cross your fingers for us.


Written by PK at 6:00 PM

34 comments

34 Comments:

At 12:42 AM, Blogger Cat said...

Aww PK...I am so happy for you and Nick. Sending lots of positive energy your way. Oh and I have my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you! ;)

Hugs and blessings...Cat

 
At 2:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I won't cross my eyes but fingers and toes crossed here too. Have a great time in the mountains.

Rosie xx

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Oh PK, about damned time I say!. Nice essay btw I reckon its worth an A (or a spanking)
love Jan,xx

 
At 2:52 AM, Blogger Linda said...

Firstly, really glad your letter worked, it was really well written and to the point. Your Husband is a lucky Dom, who has a very flexible and understanding sub.
Secondly, I think you just wrote my letter to my Husband! Oh wow, almost every point is the same for me. I totally get where you are at, and I think I am living it with my Husband also. You have inspired me to write something similar, and you have helped me to understand how he might be feeling too. I know that was not your intention, but I just needed to let you know, your letter to your husband has helped me to communicate with my man in the things that matter. Thank you.

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

You are a damn good writer. Loved the essay to NIck. Wonderful.

Enjoy your time in the mountains.

Love and hugs,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 5:25 AM, Blogger Roz said...

PK I'm sitting here both nodding and smiling. I am so happy for you and have everything crossed for you also. I totally understand the title. Rick seems to be finding his groove again and I feel at least a little of all of those emotions.

Sounds like a fabulous weekend :) I love your essay to Nick and I'm so glad he was receptive. Hope you have a great time in the mountains.

Hugs
Roz

 
At 5:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your essay to Nick was fabulous and given me ideas for my husband, thanks PK. Glad Nick has responded positively. enjoy your time away and hope you get plenty of spankings. lol! Lindy

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger abby said...

WOW...all I can think of is a...New Beginning! I am thrilled for you...and for Nick. Your essay was a great idea and perfect. Enjoy your overnight.....
hugs abby

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

As abby said, maybe this is a New Beginning. You know I'm happy for you even if I am jealous as hell and may be losing my "if only" partner.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Meredith Malloy said...

PK,
I love all of this.
Meredith

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Ella said...

PK - My horrible weekend is over! I am taking today off and catching up. Will get a post out later.

I love your writing, PK. It is always heartfelt, and the letter to Nick showed two important things. How much you love him and how much you need him. I will say little spanking prayers for you.

Someone sent me an email last month with the same predicament, a reluctant HOH who didn't want to be a parent to his wife. That seems so confusing to me, because ttwd is what makes me feel truly like a woman. This is the first time in my life that I have felt complete and fulfilled.

Hugs and support!
Ella Ever After

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Maggie Jordan said...

PK, that is a fabulous letter! I was just nodding and smiling through the whole thing, thinking "did she write this for my husband??" So glad that you may be getting a new beginning. I will keep you in my daily "needs to be spanked" thoughts!

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger sub hub in phx said...

Wow! Just wow! I'm inspired to write something similar to my Mistrsss K. Thank you.

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger PK said...

I appreciate all the crossing and I sure hope it helps! It's looking good for the moment.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Rosie, I'm looking forward to our trip.

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger PK said...

And to think I was a lousy writer when I was in school! Usually I can explain myself pretty well when I write now.

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger PK said...

Linda it really helps me to know that others feel the same about some of these issues. I hope you will write your husband and use any of this that helps. Writing is the easiest way for me to organize my thought and that the time for it to say exactly what I want it to.

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Ronnie, I think we'll have a good time.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

Yep all those emotions are swirling when we see our guys getting their interest back. We'll see how this little trip goes.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger PK said...

I hope it does help Lindy. It's hard to explain what we need somethings. I guess the key is not giving up.

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Abby, it's always fun to get away for a little while.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger PK said...

Spanked, un-spanked - we'll always be partners.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Meredith.

 
At 3:36 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I am thrilled that you and Nick are closer to finding a perfect plan for what you need!
It's clearly thought out, conscientiously considered, and written with such heartfelt honesty. I know your letter will be read and shown to many a partner!
Since I have such a hard time expressing why, what, how....maybe I can figure my own communication process using your honesty!
I'm so happy for you!

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know it's very common. Many of us think about this for years before we share with our men and then we expect them to jump right in. They need more time to understand I guess.

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger PK said...

I really think so many of us have this situation. Our men love us, but sometimes they just don't get it.

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger PK said...

Good for you, I hope this helps.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger PK said...

It would really be great to think I was helping others out here while I'm trying to explain to Nick. I hope this is going to happen.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Hi PK, :) I hope that your time away together was fruitful, Spanky and full of good talk and loving too! Seems like you have opened the worm can and those cute little critters are giving your Nick some great ideas too! I am happy for you!

I think that Abby and Sunny are right- sounds like a great New Beginning. The cool thing about life is that one can have many of those. I think that your email/essay was awesome too. My fingers and toes are crossed for you. Many hugs,

<3 Katie

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger PK Corey said...

We're leaving in a few in about an hour to head off just the two of us and I'm really looking forward to it. I appreciate the crossing and I'm enjoying my time with Nick, whatever it leads to.

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

Late as usual these days. What a brilliant letter! You are so lucky he has not only read it but appears to be acting on it! Mind if I jump on the band wagon too, and send Dan a similar one? I am so fed up having the same conversations about spanking with no real action forthcoming. I'm hoping that if he and Nick are as similar as we think they are, that a letter might help. I would just like more spontaneity on a regular basis instead of maybe once a month! Grumble, grumble!

Hope you have a wonderful trip and enjoy more spanky fun. You've got me really wondering what took you out of your comfort zone. It must have been quite amazing as you talk openly about most things. Hmmm....

Many hugs
Ami

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Blondie said...

That was a great explanation. I hope that a lot of people read it, especially those who are new or are interested in DD. Great job

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger PK said...

I hope you will send something like this - or copy it completely and just put your details in. I think Dan and Nick are so very similar so it could work. I think there should be something verifiable, something we know we can and should do but don't always make ourselves. I hope it works for me, I hope it works for you.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger PK said...

I hope so to. I like to talk to those just beginning.

 

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