A question for me

I’m doing my questions and answers for my characters every Wednesday over at the Reading Room, because I’m trying to get more people to read there. But I may move it here eventually if it keeps going, because I guess it’s mostly just some of you guys coming by there – and I do appreciate it.

However, Baker ask a question that I felt more comfortable answering here. I didn’t really know if I was going to answer it or not, though I did send the answer to Baker. She was very sweet and told me not to worry about posting the answer if I didn’t want to. I’ve thought about it for several weeks and I decided I did want to post the answer. Is there a specific place I should send you all your fees for being my group therapists?

Questions for PK:

How close is Cassie's personality to yours, PK? What attributes are similar and which are different? If Cassie is not based on yourself, who is she most closely modeled after? Same question about Tom.

I’ve know the answer to this questions a long time, but over the years it has required much soul searching to explain it, even to myself. Simply put, Cassie is who I always wanted to be. Smart, funny, lovely, brave, reckless, confident and surrounded by fiercely loyal friends. She goes places, she does things, she has a temper, and she will say what needs to be said, politely and graciously, if possible. More forcefully if necessary.

I have a few of these traits, but only a few. I spend my waking hours in front of one screen or another. I’ve rarely let my temper show, probably no more than a few times in my adult life. I’m not brave or reckless, I don’t do things, I don’t like to go places. I could easily be a hermit as long as I have an internet connection.

So, for all those early years when I had no voice, when I was always meek and timid, when I viewed myself as dull as dishwater – I poured myself into Cassie, perhaps too much. Instead of trying to do more, be more, improve myself, I simply gave all that to Cassie. I lived inside my head and let her have all the fun and excitement.

Perhaps through my writing, I’ve taken on more of Cassie’s traits – or should I say I’ve claimed more for myself. I’m braver. I drove five hundred miles by myself once to see Eva after we met through the blogs. I flew by myself for the first time to meet Sunny years ago, something I’d never thought I’d do. Sometimes when I’ve needed to be brave and to speak out, I often feel as if I’m channeling Cassie. I spoke to a therapist about all this once. She said it was fine to pull on Cassie since I was her, no matter I divided it in my head. I wish she came out more often.

One thing Cassie and I do have in common is that we found the one man for us who will love us unflinchingly for the rest of our lives. Tom came from the mind of an unfilled young spanko and he is perfect as a fantasy and perfect for Cassie. Nick comes from real life and is perfect for me.

Same question about Tom.

As I said, Tom came into my head as a young woman, really just a girl, who was totally fascinated by the idea of spanking and dominance. I hadn’t met Nick at that time and my fantasy for Cassie was a strong man who love this woman more than any woman had been loved before. His love and protection was all consuming and spanking was his way to achieve this protection. Since I was a spanko for nearly fifty years with no outlet for it other than fantasies, you better believe Tom spanked a lot!

And you will remember she came out the other day to lecture me. So maybe she lend a hand more often. Or maybe she will just take over, or someday we’ll blend. You see I’m nuts, but you all come here to read – so which of us is the craziest?

LOL, I still hope you’ll come back.